This story was written by Mirana, a mom of Elena and Mila, who met Kasia during her first pregnancy. We are absolutely grateful for being able to share it with Mamamoon mamas, as we strongly believe that together we can change the image of childbirth, one birth at a time. Thank you Mirana for your trust, and for the time you put to write down your pregnancy and birth story ❤️

Entering motherhood with Mila

After having Mila, I quickly realized that full-time mum-ing is really what makes me the most fulfilled. I didn’t need any self-care or time away from my baby. I wanted to have her within my sight at all times. Now, I don’t want to go into zodiac signs too much, but both Mila and I are Pisces. And I am pretty sure you know what that means! The two of us spent days and months covered in drooling kisses, snugs, cuddles, and giggles. Mila was an extremely easygoing baby and I kept repeating for months that we won the lottery with her. God sent us the best one there is. Hand-picked and dropped down to us, to make us the happiest people on the planet. 

We all slept well, we had a deep freeze full of homemade meals, the weather was good, life was good. 

And then the time came to say goodbye to our little bubble, return to work, and prepare Mila for daycare. I forcefully stopped breastfeeding because I didn’t think pumping at the office was realistic due to the pace of my job. Mila started drinking formula (which she absolutely loved), my milk supply dropped together with all the baby weight, and we seemed to be ready to bounce back into the so-called reality. 

And that was horrible. Mila was not ready. I was not ready. 

She was screaming at daycare for the entirety of her stay. Whenever I would pick her up, her whole little face would be swollen from crying. She was so unbelievably sad and scared. Dropping her off in the mornings, only to see her screaming in panic, and driving off to the office, was the most stressful and difficult thing I’ve ever needed to do. I felt like someone was chopping my arm off every morning. I couldn’t focus at work. I kept imagining her crying in fear without anyone familiar who could soothe her. 

We canceled her daycare after 1 month. She continued to be dropped off only when absolutely necessary during the notice period and after that she was back in our arms, safe, calm, and happy.    

Second pregnancy

It was then that we decided to have Elena. I was going to cut down my working hours to 16 hours/week. Grandma would help us with babysitting 1 day and Papa would cover the second day. We sat down with our calculators, crunched some numbers, and decided that spending time with our kids would be the top priority in the years to come. We did not need multiple holidays every year, we did not need many things that we were used to purchasing. In this season of life, we needed our kids and they needed us. The decision was made easily. We were going for number 2!

In only one try, we were pregnant again. I was always annoyed when couples would say that they were pregnant, thinking: ‘'Only one of you is pregnant! She is doing all the work!’' But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. During Elena’s pregnancy, our entire little family was pregnant. Freddy carried that pregnancy together with me from the beginning until the end. He was and still is the true meaning of a second parent and not the helper-dad who doesn’t know where the short-sleeved onesies are or how long a 3-month-old's wake window is. He was picking up the load with Mila at 17h on the dot every day, as soon as he was done with work, throwing her in the air, playing rough and tumble on the bed, tickling her, bathing her, and putting her to sleep. He succeeded in helping Mila separate from me and realize that a safe zone also exists outside of mummy’s embrace and it’s called DA-DA, The Fun Zone. 

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Unfortunately, we also experienced a huge loss in our family during this pregnancy. Freddy’s father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving us all heartbroken. Elena’s heartbeat on that second ultrasound helped pull a smile on Freddy’s face, after a long time. 

And only 2 weeks after that one soul was replaced with another. We lost our Opa and gained another little heart in de Noord’s lineage. 

Rest in peace, Harry. 

You will always be loved by all of us and memories of you will be cherished forever. I will make sure that these little ones know how much you loved them, how happy you were while spending time with Mila, and how your face glowed up when Freddy told you in the hospital that we were expecting Elena. Don’t worry about that and have some rest up there. We will see you soon. 

The first trimester

The first trimester was critical. I was feeling deadly sick and nauseous. However, this time I did not worry or stress too much about the success of the pregnancy or any risks of miscarriage. I somehow knew that everything would be okay. I was also very busy with working and caring for Mila, which helped put my mind off of worrying. The days went by and we made it to the 10-week mark when the ultrasound again showed that the fetus was developing well and that the heartbeat was steady. We were ready to announce our big news! 

After a lot of shocked gazes because of the short 7-month gap in between pregnancies, everyone quickly adjusted to me being pregnant again and months continued to roll in front of us. 

The second trimester

The second trimester was surprisingly easy, to the point that I would sometimes even forget that I was pregnant. We were joking that I was just a bit bloated and somehow kept forgetting ultrasound appointments. The second pregnancy and second baby indeed are a completely different experience. So much of the stress was eliminated that we simply became a bit too relaxed. In the end, no appointments were missed, all food supplements were bought and consumed, all additional baby items were prepared and purchased, breathing techniques were practiced, massage guns were regularly used, infant probiotics ordered, et cetera, et cetera. We just didn’t put so much emphasis on it all. These things seemed normal and natural to do, so we did them. Another little baby was coming into our home, we would adore her and shower her with love just like we did Mila and there was nothing more to it. 

Third trimester and sick leave

Then Mila and I got food poisoning when I was 26 weeks pregnant, almost entering the third trimester. I can confidently say that that was the worst week I had spent with Mila since she was born. Luckily, I was with my mother in Bosnia at the moment and she was able to care for both of us (with such love and selflessness). She made sure we had many broth soups available and all the vitamin C-infused liquids you can imagine. Mila was also teething and in the middle of her 8th leap, confused because of climate change and extremely clingy.

That week completely broke me down. I hadn’t eaten much for full 7 days as I simply couldn’t keep any food down. Even a glass of water would be spewed back within 10 minutes. I ended up leaving a private clinic in my hometown with a bag full of food supplements and reassurance that the baby in my belly was just fine. And the baby was indeed doing great, however, she sucked the life out of me. I had no reserves left and zero energy to give out, but I did have mouth ulcers due to nutritional deficiencies and an extreme level of tiredness to brag about. It took me around a month and a half to recover from that one week of puking and not eating. My body was tired. My back was sore. I was incredibly sleepy. The joys of the third trimester had begun. 

I had spent the last months of pregnancy gently waddling around my neighborhood, eating as much and as often as I could, sleeping, asking for help, and not regretting it one bit. I felt like a human incubator. 

The days and weeks went by and I slowly started making my to-do lists and preparing for labor. 

Preparing for birth

I had one Mirana to-do list with everything I needed to do myself and around the house. I had one Elena to-do list with everything that still needed to be prepared and purchased for the baby. I had one Renata to-do list for everything I wanted to get done when my sister came to help me for a week. I had one Freddy to-do list for everything I needed his help with on the weekends.  I had one To-do while on Maternity/paternity leave list for everything Freddy and I wanted to do together after the baby came. I had a list of dinners we would eat every week, a list for groceries, a list of hospital bag items, a list after list, after list, after list. I can tell you one thing for sure: nesting is no joke. 

The only thing I didn’t plan for was Mila’s babysitter during labor. I just knew that I would give birth during the evening/night/early morning hours, while Mila is sound asleep. I told Freddy that I wanted to make this birth just a regular part of our day. I told him it would happen on a Friday evening or a weekend when he’s wrapped up all his work and can fully focus on us. I needed him well-rested and in the correct headspace. I also told him jokingly that I would try to keep the noise down, not to wake up Mila, and that one morning we would all wake up with a baby in our bed. 

The only thing I was wrong about was the duration of labor. I was persuaded it wouldn’t last longer than 2 hours, however, I ended up laboring for 7.

I felt ready for this baby, in every sense. I felt ready for birth, for newborn days, sleep regressions, temperature checks, and the whole shebang. I was listening to the Natural Birth Podcast daily, just like I did with Mila, but I was no longer so impressed by all the stories of women giving birth at home. It just seemed normal. Everything about it seemed completely reasonable and as the best possible way to birth your baby. There was nothing more to it. 

Elena dropped extremely low around 37 weeks. I thought she would pop out any second and we would barely have her reach full term. Then she went all the way back up again as if she changed her mind. She was just teasing, she didn’t want to come yet. 

My due date came and went by and she still didn’t care much about it. I was persuaded that I would give birth at 41w + 4d, but my labor started exactly one week earlier, at 40w + 4d.

The day I thought I would give birth

That morning Mila and I went to the petting zoo with Lenni, Mila's little best friend, and Janelle, my bestie and Lenni’s mum. We spent a decent amount of time there, running after the little ones, petting bunnies, watching guinea pigs, and going up and down the slide. Janelle jokingly kept telling me that I would give birth that evening and I kept saying no way, not that night, we still have a week to go. 

When I came home I handed Mila to Freddy for the rest of the day, he put her down for her nap and we all rested. Freddy and I decided to sell our unused BBQ on Marktplaats and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening resting and relaxing. 

For some reason, we also decided to set up the birth pool in the living room. Just in case something started happening. I was overdue, after all. I texted Janelle that the pool was up, out of pure respect for her hunch and after that, I went to sleep. I was certain that nothing was going to happen for at least one more week. 

Lo and behold, around 2:30h I was woken up by mild contractions. I didn’t make much of it. However, me ignoring the pain didn’t make them go away. So I started timing. Interesting. They were around 3 min apart every time. Strange. I let everything unroll for another hour and continued to track them. They definitely had a good rhythm. Hm. I started thinking that something might be unfolding. Freddy came into the bedroom from downstairs as he heard me walking to the bathroom. I looked at him and said very excitedly: ‘'I think she may be coming!’' 

We both went downstairs, I hopped on my pilates ball and Freddy was resting on the couch. I kept babbling and was constantly commenting on something; the length of contractions, the fact that she may be with us in bed by the morning. I was telling him all about every sensation I was feeling. Then Freddy kindly asked me to let him sleep a little bit. I asked why, wasn’t he also excited that our little baby may come any minute? He said he was extremely excited, however, he hadn’t slept one bit that night. He was actually only going to bed when my contractions started. 

When I heard that, my body completely retracted. All sensations stopped and contractions were gone. The conditions weren’t ideal. I couldn’t do it. 

I also couldn’t be angry with Freddy as he was simply too excited to fall asleep. As if he knew that she was coming soon. Not that night, but soon. 

We decided to go to bed, slightly disappointed.  The contractions didn’t come back. It was a false alarm.  

The next morning, we got up around 9:00h when Mila started chatting in her bedroom. We both knew that the game was on. It didn’t happen last night, but it would definitely happen that day or evening. I was betting on her coming as soon as Mila went down to sleep, after 20:00h. 

Birth story of Elena

We were taking it easy the whole morning. Slowly making breakfast, slowly eating, and slowly cleaning up. Freddy took Mila and the dog out for a walk and I continued laying on the couch. Mila went down for her nap around 13:00h and so did Freddy and I since we didn’t get much sleep the night before. It was exactly then that the contractions started again. They were quite strong, but they were only 9 minutes apart.

We spent the entire Mila’s 2-hour nap in bed, chilling, talking, and timing the contractions. Around 15:00h, we all got up and decided we'd order something for dinner. The adults made another cup of coffee, Mila had a snack, the Spotify was back playing and the toys were out of the basket. We ordered food around 16:00h, ate, and decided to go out for a big walk in the forest, around 17:00h. We would let Mila walk most of it herself, without the stroller, to get her as tired as possible. We needed an early bedtime and a tired toddler sleeping through the whole night. I continued having contractions throughout the afternoon with 6,7,8,9 minutes of rest in between them. I found them to be manageable and was looking forward to walking.

Going out for a laboring walk with the entire family, for the second time, felt extremely special. We made a big lap around the neighborhood while I was in labor with Mila and that lap we still call ‘'the labor walk’’. Now we were heading for our second labor walk, with the dog and a toddler and the two of us holding hands. Our family was growing. We were becoming a little pack. I felt so happy that I could almost cry. 

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I knew that movement in labor meant improvement. And improve I did. We walked for around 1 hour and my contractions went from being 9 minutes to 1 minute and 30 seconds apart. I felt my body opening up and I also quickly stopped finding the pain manageable. I was getting tired. 

I will find out later that I opened 7 centimeters during that walk. I could feel the contractions both in the front and the back, in my muscles and my bones. They started being unbearable. Freddy continued to put pressure on my lower back during the walk while holding a toddler and a dog on the leash. I could also see that he was getting a little bit stressed. We still had around 15 minutes back to the house and we needed to stop every hundred meters for the contraction. I kept telling him not to panic. 

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‘’Relax, I won’t give birth in the forest’’, I said. 

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We somehow managed to get home in one piece. It was only 18:00h and we had 2 full hours until Mila's bedtime. I felt like the baby could come out any second. I was losing the ability to think and respond to questions. 

When we came into the living room, I immediately laid down on the couch, on my left side, trying to slow everything down. Perhaps the lack of gravity pushing the baby down helped in some way because contractions started spreading apart to 3 minutes. Thank God! I was laying lifelessly on the couch, not present anymore. I decided the time was right to call the midwife. 

We didn’t have much time or enough hands left. I needed to labor on my own. He needed to fill the pool, bathe Mila, and put her to sleep. I called the midwives and luckily Saar picked up, the midwife who I saw the most during this pregnancy and who I consider a friend. She knew me well, she knew my birth plan, she knew how my first birth went, and she was the perfect person to be on the shift that evening. At first, we didn’t recognize each other’s voices on the phone, she started asking for my name and the week of pregnancy. When I told her the name she exclaimed: ‘’Mirana! It’s you! I’ll be there in 1 hour.’' 

One hour. Shit.

Luckily, Saar knew me so well that as soon as she hung up, she decided it may actually be best to start driving to my house immediately. I started feeling like puking which is when I knew one hundred billion percent that I was in transition. I stopped timing the contractions because I couldn’t be bothered with the app anymore. I decided to text Saar that I was approaching transition and then I saw that she already texted me that she was on the way. Thank the Lord baby Jesus! 

She arrived around 5 minutes after my text. I gave her a quick rundown of the events and how I was feeling and we decided we’d first check how dilated I was and then I would go straight into the pool. 

I was 7 centimeters open. I was so excited about this finding that I went straight up to the first floor to tell Freddy. We will definitely meet her soon! We will finally see her eyes and the color of her hair, her little nose, and how exactly chubby she is! 

Freddy and Mila looked at me from the bathroom, covered in bubbly foam. I had a big contraction at exactly that moment, leaning on the staircase railing. When it went away, I told Freddy I was 7 centimeters open and in transition. The sooner he could come downstairs the better, I was going to enter the pool. ‘’Laku noć Mila, voli te mama!’’, I said to Mila in Croatian.  Freddy kept looking at me going down the stairs, thinking I was completely insane.  

He came down around 20:10h. Mila was sound asleep and completely wrecked from walking in the forest. The dog was on the top floor, also sleeping. All of the kids were taken care of, now I could finally give birth. That is at least how I felt. 

Freddy being able to be with me during contractions made a world of difference. It was much easier to bear the pain with him hugging me. And oh, painful it was. Oh, how it was painful. Oh, oh, oh. Some women can breathe through their contractions and go into full zen mode, but I was not able to relax. I was dreading every surge that was coming and wanted it all to be over as soon as possible. I was desperate. I wanted to cry. I wanted the baby out. I wanted to be done.

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I had around 2 or 3 minutes of rest in between the contractions and during that time I would completely surrender and float in the water. I was very aware of everything happening in my body. Saar, the midwife, asked if I wanted her to check how dilated I was again. I told her that there was no need because I could feel the head dropping and that the baby was coming any moment.

Shomari, the Kraamzorg nurse, also arrived to our house and started preparing everything for the little one’s arrival. They were organizing the mattress protectors,  scales, and sterile gauzes, gathering the baby's first outfit, commenting that it’s cute, talking about our dog and their dogs, drinking coffee, laughing, and also supporting me during every contraction. I enjoyed listening to all the chattering in the background. I felt like I was floating around in space and not really present, but still able to tune into what was happening. If asked a question, I was also able to reply.

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Then suddenly, one contraction came and my body started bearing down. Instead of breathing, I started roaring. ‘'This is it. She is coming’’, I said. Saar and Shomari didn’t need to hear it from my mouth, they recognized what was happening from the sound that I made during the last contraction.

I consciously changed my position to make the exit optimal for the baby. Until then, I was either leaning onto the pool or sitting in a reclining position on the little inflated stool inside of the water. Now I decided to kneel, with my upper body completely straight, holding the sides of the pool with my hands. Another contraction came and my body started pushing the baby down. It lasted for a long time, possibly a whole minute. The head was dropping. In the following contraction, I could feel the ring of fire. I said this to Saar immediately because she knew that I wanted to avoid tearing. She advised that I try to simply breathe through the next contraction, to slow down the baby’s descend and help her stretch the tissues before coming out. I did my best to follow the instructions, but Elena was more eager to be born than I was able to hold her in. In the next contraction, her head came out. I was screaming. 

I heard Saar telling me that I could let the baby float in the water after she came out. I acknowledged that and waited for the next one. 

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The last contraction lasted a whole minute. I felt Elena's whole body slowly wiggling outside. I made a lot of noise. Some of it out of pain and some out of pure shock. And then I stopped. She was born. Still connected to me with the umbilical cord, floating in the water. 

The 'golden hour'

I was just looking at her. My brain couldn’t comprehend what just happened. I was utterly, wholly and thoroughly in shock. I could not pick her up even if I wanted to. I could not move. 

This state lasted for another minute and after that, I was finally able to get my baby and put her on my chest. She was beautiful.

Her head was perfectly round as she didn’t spend a long time in the birth canal. She had very dark hair. She had the cutest nose in the world. Daddy was stroking her, I was kissing her. She finally came. 

Elena, Freddy, and I spent some time together. The baby and I were still in the pool and Freddy was hugging us, leaning on the edge. After around 10 or 15 minutes, we moved to the couch so Saar can track blood loss and assess the risks. We also still needed to birth the placenta and check for any tearing. 

The placenta came out in a couple of contractions. This time much easier, without any need for Pitocin shots. They preserved the organ which will be buried in our front garden, just like Mila’s. I had 3 stitches which Saar took care of quickly and efficiently in our living room. Elena was on my chest the entire time. I was working on getting her to latch and start breastfeeding. 

They gave me liquids to drink and protein bars to eat. I was still working through what just happened. I felt a little bit high. I still wasn’t fully present in the conversation. I kept looking at Elena and kissing her face. I could not believe that she was there.

Shomari and Freddy already started cleaning up and emptying the pool. All towels were put in the washing machine, the pool was quickly drained and various items around the living room tidied up. Shomari helped me get up the stairs and shower. I washed my hair and had the most zoned-out shower of my life. Freddy was downstairs with Elena. 

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By 23.00h Elena and I were in our bed, Saar left to attend another birth, Shomari also left and promised we’d see her in the morning and the whole next week to come. Freddy was still tidying up and wrapping the pool, placing it back in the cardboard box. He came to bed around midnight as well. 

He was sound asleep that night, as he should be. Mila didn’t make a beep either. Cuica didn’t let out a single bark. Elena was laying on the bed next to me, sleeping as well. 

I spent the night wide awake, simply looking at her and kissing her little cheeks. I thought: ‘'I think I want to do this again.''

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